What's in the bottom drawer? How to Introduce Sex Toys to a New Partner

Introducing sex toys to a new partner can be a fun way to enhance intimacy, open up conversations about pleasure, and deepen your connection. However, it’s natural to feel hesitant, especially if your partner hasn’t expressed interest in toys before. Here’s a simple guide on how to approach the subject thoughtfully, ensuring both you and your partner feel comfortable and excited.

Start with Open Communication

Before diving in, it’s essential to approach the topic openly and respectfully. Choose a time to talk about it outside of intimate moments, so there’s no pressure or expectation. This conversation can start with questions like, “Have you ever thought about incorporating toys into our intimacy?” or “Is there anything new you’d like to explore together?”

Express why you’re interested in bringing toys into your relationship, emphasizing the benefits they can add, such as enhanced pleasure, exploring new sensations, or deepening intimacy. Focusing on shared enjoyment rather than self-interest can help your partner feel involved and excited.

Address Concerns and Misconceptions

For many, the idea of using sex toys might bring up concerns or misconceptions, like fearing they could replace intimacy or lead to dependency. It’s helpful to reassure your partner that toys are meant to enhance the experience, not replace it. Explain that they’re simply tools to explore different sensations together, allowing both partners to feel more connected and fulfilled.

If your partner is new to the idea, you might also address any concerns about performance or insecurities by reminding them that toys can complement your connection rather than disrupt it.

Start Small and Simple

Starting with simple toys can make the experience more approachable. For beginners, suggest smaller, non-intimidating options such as:

• Vibrating Bullet: Small and discreet, a bullet vibrator can be used externally and is excellent for exploring gentle vibrations without being overwhelming.
• Cock Ring: For couples, a vibrating cock ring can provide mutual stimulation, helping both partners experience enhanced pleasure.
• Massage Oils or Candles: Scented oils or candles designed for intimacy can add a sensory element, creating a warm atmosphere without any pressure.

Starting with smaller items makes it easier for your partner to become comfortable with the idea of toys and opens the door to explore more advanced options if desired.

Use Toys Together

Once you’ve chosen a toy, explore it together in a relaxed setting. Approach it as an experiment and stay open to learning what feels good for both of you. Make sure to go at a pace that feels natural, checking in with your partner to ensure they’re comfortable.

It’s important to maintain a sense of playfulness and exploration. This experience can be a chance to discover each other’s preferences, laugh, and create memorable moments. If something doesn’t work or feels awkward, it’s perfectly okay—every new experience comes with a learning curve.

Keep Communication Open

After using toys together, take time to talk about how each of you felt about the experience. Ask open-ended questions like, “What did you enjoy most?” or “Is there anything you’d like to try next time?” This feedback helps both of you understand what each other liked and may want to explore further, building comfort and trust.